My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
