my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
