wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
