Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
