This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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