I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
A bitchslap is in order.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
