Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
