Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
everyone is single if you try hard enough
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
