if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
