dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
