Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I just shit out all my problems.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
