Me too!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
