Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
