Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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