um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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