It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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