So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
