So drunk its hurt
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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