she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
