i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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