yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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