btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
