Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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