i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
