she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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