i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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