I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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