We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
