i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
