This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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