Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
