Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
