I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
