you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
