Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
