i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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