there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize