It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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