I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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