This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
