I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
