I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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