My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
