Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
