I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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