I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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