His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
