We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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