I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
