Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
