im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
