all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think people are normalizing furries
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize