a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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