My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
