Your mouth is God's brothel.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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