Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
