if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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