Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
