my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
