ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The air was thick with penises
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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