i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
