My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
