WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
