She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
