She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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