my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
