just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize