I think my vagina is haunted
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize