we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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